Fearing the Vietnamese is part of what it means to be Cambodian. Always worried they come again, try to take over country. Hear stories about how they rape and kill young girls in the woods, burn whole villages to the ground, steal children and turn them into baby fighters. The worst story ever is what they do when they catch three Cambodian men in the forest. Everybody knows the soldiers bury them standing up so only their heads are above the ground, real close together. Start fire between them, use their heads to rest a pot on to make tea. When Cambodian men get too hot, they say, “Don’t move, you are going to spill the water.”
Everybody in camp really scared when we start hearing the Vietnamese in Cambodia again. They are fighting Angkar. Once again, we fall asleep at night to the sounds of guns and bombing far away in the mountains. Each night the sounds seem closer and closer until finally one morning camp leaders tell us we are leaving camp, moving somewhere else farther away from the battles.
Our group sets out to the mountains. My sister and I sent to a place far away from our home. Ankar not too strict anymore. After work, you can go find whatever you want to eat. Usually, the men go to find food for the women but we have no man in our family. My sister goes with a neighbor. The day so hot, you have to rest two hours after you eat.
The men tell us to go to the nearby creek. Fish are everywhere. You just catch with your hands. More fish than any time before, even during season on Tonle Sap. Wade in until the mud comes up above your knees, they say, and just stand there until you see a bubble. That means there is a fish underneath. This morning there were bubbles all over the creek.
Oh, why I am so weak; it is hard for me to walk that far and when I finally arrive and wade in I so small the mud comes way above my chest, so high I get stuck. So skinny, I am sinking in quicksand, unable to free my feet, when I see the biggest fish ever. Long and fat like a small pig roasting on a spit.
“That fish, that fish,” I point “That my fish.” I look across the creek and see a man I recognize from a long time ago, from the train ride to Battambang. Oh, he is such a mean man. One time he killed his own dog and made a curry.
“Can you get it for me? Can you help me?”
He looks over in my direction and sees the fish. He wades over through the mud and grabs it. Never even look at me. Just walks away. Leaves me alone, trapped in the mud.
Takes me long, long time to make my way out of the creek. Sky almost black when I walk home, well behind the men who laugh together like best friends home from hunting, carrying buckets full of fish.
I am so sad. You think a god or angel take care of me just then because as I am walking around the big puddles in the wet road, I suddenly see a fish as big as half an arm swimming in the black water of a big cow footprint. I catch it and carry it home.
Never enough food to satisfy my hunger.
“You crazy? I not take care of you when you die. You too much trouble. Why you not be like everyone else? To lose you would be no loss.”
Guess everybody think I the crazy one. Maybe they not as hungry as me. One night when I go down to the lake to bathe, I crawl up the slippery bank and rest beside a bamboo tree. Oh, what’s that? See a big fat, shiney black lizard. Grab bamboo stick. “Oh today, I am going to eat you.” I hit the lizard with the stick. Nothing happen. I try to hit him harder. He just run away.
No matter.
Not too long after that the shrimp start appearing. They show up in little ponds and they light up at night. The country must be getting better, I think. For four years, birds and then suddenly a crow flies by overhead.
The Ankar in the mountain release us. Khmer solders now in the woods all around fighting the Vietnamese
“When you see the soldiers, say ‘Pol Pot’ and they let you through.”
“Pol Pot. Pol Pot.” we whisper as we run through the woods.
“Dee! Dee!,” they answer. Keep running. No time to think about the battle around us.
Nobody knows where to run. Maybe we run to the mountain.
We run the whole night. After second night I see my sister. “The Khmer have escaped,” she tells me. “Where we go now?”
Don’t think we really understand we are free. What that mean anyway? Nowhere to go. We decide to head back to our home camp. Find an empty house.
So much rice to eat now. Very first time we cook own food. First time free to do whatever you want.
Ta come home too. No more involve with him because Ta together with his wife. I very frightened of her.
Only go to bathe in a lake when I just get too dirty, so worried I run into him.
One time I see 3 or 4 dry fish he just drop off and leave. “I don’t want to eat these fish because Ta put spirits in them,” I tell Second Sister. “He make me fall in love.’
“You so silly. Why you not just cross three times, scare away any evil spirits?”
“No, I throw these away. Not want to get crazy.”
“Give them to me,” she say. “He not want to make me crazy.”
Younger sister, now a lot of man go to the lake about a couple day to go there a lot of fish and you stay here you wait for me im going to go get a couple men and go with them and get some fish.
She left for a couple of days. I go to my neighbor and give them a coin and massage, and after I do it they gave me food.
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June 8, 2008 at 7:52 pm
boatsie
misc. notes
Ghost
My feet infection. I went to the farm and I got scrach and swollen, cannot walk, ccannot go.
I sty home by myslef.
A coupld of nights before
2 or 3 weeks I cannot walk.
One time I sleep during day time, I hear the voice of 2 women, mosquito net,
“open, open I want to go sleep with you.”I want to go too, I want to go too.”
I am so scared but I cannot get up. They went to work sisters.
I told my sister, nobody believe me.
Open the net
After a coupld of nights there is a meeting, not the same house. My house is new, near the a lot of empty houses where peple are dead alreaady. A big tree a lot of ghosts in them. The tree is spirit and 2 of my sisters they go to meeting and I sleep.
Hear like cow and a cat they chasing run oer over over, we have no cat
Always moving. Pack up in sack.
One time I feel so thirsty eat something like ice, have meeting and they call PUCKMAY, comehere tgonight we have ice tea. Big pot , they big bowl of ice or huge huge vat of ice team
Gee im not feeling vefry good. Big storm rain, its winter and water coming into house. Everything got so wet, never cold like this. I hear hail I ran out, ie eat it, it feels so good…..
I have ice that day…
Tomorrow we have party for you. We have good food for you, curry.
Four o us sit together, split in 4, small meet for each, keep and eat for itself.
We sing when we gbo to rice field. If nice they don’t report us.
T
New one come they give us more things to do, not so hungry.
Middle guy when I escape and come back with myt sister, he is so nice. He die too. They took him away too. Three of us always fight.
We always fight, even now.
One time he come to us and he burn a fire in front of cafeteria. He call me and 2 odf my sister come. We sit with him. I know 3 of you for a long time. Since parents , kids. Know only you, three piece 3
3 heads to make a fire, put pot on
3 of you look like a piece of a stove, you need each other. Two of you cannot do anything.
Call us daughter, stop, share, stop fighting.
You cannot say something,
2nd sister Cambodia
5th sister here in richmond okay
we try not to fighyt anymore. When the others come change power, he is gone.
Only is daughter didn’t go.
He is the had, he look like a man.
Put me one week in mans house he is governor.
Unka want you, 1977 …
She is in another £5. Took my brother ikn law, said he was cia , because the guy who used to work for his brother
‘
after a year, two year during day tied himn in a rope. Boxers no shoes, no shirt.
Sister with daughter. Nothing you can
Older sister with 5 children she in battembomg and husband…. Near boarder of Thailand.
Ghost
My feet infection. I went to the farm and I got scrach and swollen, cannot walk, ccannot go.
I sty home by myslef.
A coupld of nights before
2 or 3 weeks I cannot walk.
One time I sleep during day time, I hear the voice of 2 women, mosquito net,
“open, open I want to go sleep with you.”I want to go too, I want to go too.”
I am so scared but I cannot get up. They went to work sisters.
I told my sister, nobody believe me.
Open the net
After a coupld of nights there is a meeting, not the same house. My house is new, near the a lot of empty houses where peple are dead alreaady. A big tree a lot of ghosts in them. The tree is spirit and 2 of my sisters they go to meeting and I sleep.
Hear like cow and a cat they chasing run oer over over, we have no cat
Always moving. Pack up in sack.
One time I feel so thirsty eat something like ice, have meeting and they call PUCKMAY, comehere tgonight we have ice tea. Big pot , they big bowl of ice or huge huge vat of ice team
Gee im not feeling vefry good. Big storm rain, its winter and water coming into house. Everything got so wet, never cold like this. I hear hail I ran out, ie eat it, it feels so good…..
I have ice that day…
Tomorrow we have party for you. We have good food for you, curry.
Four o us sit together, split in 4, small meet for each, keep and eat for itself.
We sing when we gbo to rice field. If nice they don’t report us.
T
New one come they give us more things to do, not so hungry.
Middle guy when I escape and come back with myt sister, he is so nice. He die too. They took him away too. Three of us always fight.
We always fight, even now.
One time he come to us and he burn a fire in front of cafeteria. He call me and 2 odf my sister come. We sit with him. I know 3 of you for a long time. Since parents , kids. Know only you, three piece 3
3 heads to make a fire, put pot on
3 of you look like a piece of a stove, you need each other. Two of you cannot do anything.
Call us daughter, stop, share, stop fighting.
You cannot say something,
2nd sister Cambodia
5th sister here in richmond okay
we try not to fighyt anymore. When the others come change power, he is gone.
Only is daughter didn’t go.
He is the had, he look like a man.
Put me one week in mans house he is governor.
My sister and I are sent to a place far away from our home. The KR are not too strict anymore. After worok, you can go find whatever you want to eat. Usually, the men go to find food for the women but we have no man in our family. My sister goes with a neighbor. It is so hot, you have to rest two hours after you eat.
The men tell us to go to the creek. The mud comes up above your knees and dyou stand there until you see a bubble. That means there is a fish underneath. But I am so weak, it is hard for me to walk that far and then when I arrive I get stuck in the mud. I see a big fish, as big as your calf.
“That fish, that fish. My fish,” I call out. I see a man I know from a long time ago, from the train ride to Battambang. He is a mean man. One time he killed his own dog and made a curry. “Can you get it for me? Can you help me?”
He looks over in my direction and sees the fish. He wades over through the mud and grabs it. He walks away. I walk home empty handed, alongside all these men with buckets full of fish. I am so sad. You think a god or angel take care of me because as I am walking around the big cow footprints I suddenly see a fish as big as half an arm swimming in the black water of a cow hole.
I saw a fish big as half arm, swim a little in cow hole. My fish! I catch it and carry it home.
Winter walk to lake to clean,
I have to slide down to get bath and I have to climb up …
I cannot climb too high. Sit down by bamboo gtree and I saw a different, shiney black and fat he is across from me. I got a bamboo stick, oh today
I hity himn with stick on head. One twice nothing he run away.
What they hell you want to eat that thnng? Sister.
In hospital dream
Bamboo bed you can look down. Kr clinic they have a lot of duck. Oh fat duck, ia m going to roast you some day.
You cannot touch you get killed.
So hot in summer…. Every day I am getting better and better .
The shrimp and we not too hungry anymore. People saying amazing happen. The shrimp in little water. At night shrimp light up and the head of the fish light up too.
The country maybe goihg to be better. For 4 year no birds.
A scarecrow just fly over. I think going to be better.
Things likght up at night.
My group say okay we have to go to the mountain only old people don’t go and just have baby.
Where are we going? 10-15 people walked 2-3 days to get there. We sleep under cow wagon. Nobody youch anybody.
Me and my sister always together. They tell us to go into jungle woods. You have to build tent. We buld all together tent. We sleep on bamboo. Very like party. Don’t have private kitchen. Bowl soup full bowl 2x a day they give uyou lunch and dinner.d
I say okay who ever take care of this mountain, my friend, when yhou get into mtn,, yuou get lost so easy. Go to clean, cut. I think they want to kill you.
I walk by myself, if you want me to be alive you make sure yuou don’t make me hungry. You make me die. You better stop make me hungry. Make me very sick so I can go to clinic again. 2 days im complaining. 3rd day eat at night, I cannot get up and I just lay dowsn there. I hear cannot get up, cannot hear.
2 days my sister feed me a little bit. They take me carry me hammock nylong to cinic, in mountain. Penon Takpoo .
thousands of thousands of peole move everyone to mountains. Clinic, hd to poop. Carried me to toilet. She have to hold me to pee to poop. No bone.
I sleep, whatever
I hear they make somethingh for me to eat. Long vegetable.
They put worm in vegetable, and burn until soft, ddrink it.
Dropper for 7 days, took me back to
Have meeting and people get married, big meeting and then they say today we have 10 couples (singel teenagert at least 10-20 couples) they build them a small house and they give them brand new KR and black panst and black shirts.
On the way frojm mountain I am in a cow wagon with 2 other nurses one man and one woman, man controled wagaon and woman sat with me. I am sleeping. I remember they cross all snall little creek. I got so wet for lunch time they stop at this house. They park under the tree. After they eat they come to ask me, you hungry, I open eyes, I shake my head and open my eyes yes.
White rice, I was shaking and soup with sour fish … that thing saved my life. They so mad. They think I am fakikngn. I feel I have more energy. I lay back. When you are in a coma you hear, my spirit go so deep and deep in jungle, when I hear someone call my name, I come back. Keep going. See all the trees, just go and go… shaking me or nurse want to …. Come back but I cannot talk.
After eat take whole day to come to my house. But me in KR clinic. Thjey still hage a couple nurse in there. Stay thre every day I can come go round find some veg cook own food. The whole town is empty so
Get better and better.
We hear buns I go to my housel. Neighbor say some peole heave sound of gun. Where th gun come from
Maybe things going to be better.
My neighbor who had babies they made chicken soup, you know how to make a chicken soup,. I cook outside. When soup is done one the guys put marijuana in soup. I eat the most b ecause I am always hungry. Afater I eat I sleep the whole day and then by that time the vietnames come comde to Bakenbaum. Neighbor say hey you get up.
The kr startt to escape. They open up the stockade of food. Wow, I cannot get up.
You don’t get up, vn come maybe they going to kill you.
Go to place stock all food.
I sew backpack. 5 can of rice
It is almost night time; we better run. Run where? We better stick together because when the vn come, they buried a man and
Buried man 3 h3ad and build fire, make tea, when cambodian man get too hot. Don’t move you are gfoing to spill my water.
Thai -ong
1979 vn
comed and
polpot? Pol pot? They pass us through. “dee dee’ (go,go)
we run and hear the guns.
Mountain peole relese us.
We ran the whole night. After second night I saw my sister. KR escape
Oh lets run back to the mountain. But the moutain ran bnac to us so we meet each other.
By that tikme we have a loty of food. We are free
We go home. We found an empty house. After that a lot of peple don’t come home. Two sisters.
By that time we can have a lot of rice and we went to find rice so I got big bag of rice. Very first time we cook own food first time free to do whatever you want You are with 2 and 6; , not seen £1, 3 or number 5
Ta come home too. No more involve with him because ta and ye together
I go to take a bath in a lake because I have to go. Tgry to avoid him.
One time I saw 3 or 4 dry fish; he just drop off and gone. I saw dry fish, I told 2 sister, I don’t want to eat these fish because ta put spirfits in them. He make me fall in love.
Oh why don’t yhou cross it 3x?
A no I am going to throw these awsay. I don’t want to get crazy.
Ok, you don’t want to eat. Let me eat.”
Younger sister, now a lot of man go to the lake aboutg a couple day to go there a lot of fish and you stay here you wait for me im going to go get a couple men and go with them and get some fish.
She left for a couple of days. I go to my neighbor and give them a coin and massage, and after I do it they gave me food.
Tjhis one famliy she like sister to me. She married she has husband, who is very good with finding food she have d2 sons. After we got free she got a lot of rice and gold necklaces. While my sister to to get fish, her husband come back home to visitg all gthe friend here,
Husband says she is in bb and wants to see. Neighbor says oh we want to go because her father is over there too. Lets go tomorrow.
1 thailand
3 man excaped to thailand
5 somewhere ???
2 and 6 in combodia. Home home.
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